bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
