Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
