The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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