I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am one with the molecules
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
