If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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