I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You've changed since you got that strap on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
