Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
