More tranny stories later!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
