i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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