I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
