what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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