Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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