Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
