Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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