I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
