So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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