i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your penis caused this!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
