I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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