just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
