what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
