I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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