kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
