no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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