I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
