I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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