new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
