never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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