Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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