wat bout pragnant strippers??
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
