I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
