I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
