dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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