We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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