When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
