What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
