i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
