At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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