What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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