the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
