I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
