Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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