if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
