i think i have two assholes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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