I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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