Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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