the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
