i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
