I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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