Non-Jews are for practice
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
