I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
