i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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