He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
